Part 10: The Lies We Tell Ourselves About Healing

Let’s Break It All Down

Let’s get honest, raw, and real for a minute.
Healing? It’s not all incense, journaling, and epiphanies under the moonlight.
Sometimes healing looks like ugly crying at 3 AM, deleting a text before you send it, or just getting out of bed and showing up when every cell in your body screams “No.”

But here’s the kicker: healing gets harder when we believe lies about what it should look like.
So today, we’re calling out the lies—and replacing them with truths that set us free.

Lie #1: “I should be over this by now.”

Truth: Healing has no expiration date.
Grief, trauma, heartbreak—none of it operates on a clock. You might go years without a trigger, then suddenly fall apart in the produce aisle at Sobeys. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re human.

Reality: Healing is a non-linear process without a set timeline. It's common to experience progress and then face setbacks. Recognizing that healing doesn't follow a straight path allows for patience and self-compassion. As noted by Khiron Clinics, "The non-linear process of change reminds us that healing is not a linear destination but a personal journey" (Khiron Clinics, 2023).

Lie #2: “If I slip up, I’ve gone backward.”

Truth: Progress isn’t a straight line—it's a tangled, spiraling mess with moments of magic tucked between the chaos.
Sometimes a “setback” is actually a lesson you couldn’t have learned any other way.

Reality: While time can offer perspective, active engagement in the healing process is crucial. Simply waiting for wounds to heal without addressing them can lead to prolonged distress. Psychology Today emphasizes that "Time alone does not heal emotional wounds. Active effort is required" (Psychology Today, 2025).

Lie #3: “Talking about it makes me weak.”

Truth: Naming your pain is one of the most powerful things you can do.
Silence grows shame. Words break chains. Sharing doesn’t make you weak—it makes you brave. It makes you real. It makes healing possible.

Reality: Discussing traumatic experiences can be a sign of strength and an essential part of the healing process. Sharing allows individuals to process emotions and receive support. As highlighted by SANE Australia, "Judging someone's 'strength' based on their response to trauma is not only baseless but also damaging" (SANE Australia, 2016).

Lie #4: “My trauma isn’t valid because others had it worse.”

Truth: Pain is not a competition.
Your trauma is valid. Your story matters. Empathy isn’t pie—someone else’s suffering doesn’t take away your right to acknowledge your own.

Reality: Trauma is subjective, and comparing one's experiences to others can invalidate personal feelings. Every individual's pain is valid, regardless of its perceived severity. Safe Haven Trauma Services notes that "It is so easy to say 'my trauma isn’t that bad' or 'so many people have it worse than me.' What if you did not need to be so concerned with other people’s journeys? Your experience happened and you have feelings about it!" (Safe Haven Trauma Services, 2019).

Lie #5: “Time heals all wounds.”

Truth: Time alone doesn’t heal anything—intentional work does.
It’s not the calendar pages flipping that brings relief—it’s what you do with that time. Therapy, self-reflection, boundaries, rest, forgiveness (including of yourself)... that’s what heals.

Reality: Encountering triggers or setbacks doesn't erase progress. Healing is a journey with ups and downs. Recognizing and learning from these moments is part of the process. As highlighted by Justin Sunseri, "Recovering from trauma is not a linear process, and it's important to understand that setbacks and challenges are a normal part of the journey" (Sunseri, 2023).

What Healing Actually Looks Like

• It looks like saying no when you used to say yes.

• It looks like crying when something hurts instead of holding it in.

• It looks like choosing peace over drama—even when the drama feels familiar.

• It looks like asking for help before you fall apart.

Affirmation:

I release the need to “perform” healing. I honor my pace, my process, and my power to grow—even when growth feels messy.

Journaling Prompt:

What is one lie I’ve believed about healing that I’m ready to let go of? What truth can I replace it with?

Moving Forward with Compassion

Dispelling these myths fosters a more compassionate and realistic approach to healing. Embracing the complexities of recovery allows individuals to honor their unique journeys and seek support without judgment.

Further Reading:

• Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead.

• Mate, G. (2022). The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness & Healing in a Toxic Culture.

• Levine, P. A. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness.

• Harris, N. (2018). Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive.

Final Thoughts

This post wraps up our Listening With Your Trauma series. Ten truths, ten invitations, ten ways to step deeper into your healing journey.

You’ve made it through a heavy, honest, soul-shaking ride. I hope you’re walking away with more grace for yourself and a little more fire in your belly to keep going.

Because listen—your trauma may be part of your story, but healing? That’s your plot twist.
And you're the author now.

References

Khiron Clinics. (2023). Trauma and The Non-Linear Process of Change. Retrieved from https://khironclinics.com/blog/trauma-and-the-non-linear-process-of-change/

Psychology Today. (2025). Does Time Heal All Wounds? Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/common-sense-science/202502/does-time-heal-all-wounds

SANE Australia. (2016). Three myths about trauma. Retrieved from https://www.sane.org/information-and-resources/the-sane-blog/mythbusters/three-myths-about-trauma

Safe Haven Trauma Services. (2019). Comparing Trauma. Retrieved from https://safehaventherapy.com/blog/2019/12/15/comparing-trauma

Sunseri, J. (2023). Trauma recovery: the Normal & Non-linear process of change. Retrieved from https://www.justinlmft.com/post/trauma-recovery-the-normal-non-linear-process-of-change