Part 6: When Silence Becomes Your Safety

The Sound of Survival

Ever find yourself in a conflict and suddenly… nothing?
Your throat tightens.
Your mind blanks.
And your words dissolve like mist in the air.

That’s not you being weak. That’s your nervous system pulling the emergency brake.

When you've survived environments where speaking up got you punished, dismissed, or ignored—silence becomes your sanctuary. Silence becomes your trauma response.

The Trauma of the Unspoken

Sometimes it wasn’t what happened to you.
It was what you weren’t allowed to say about it.

• “Don’t talk back.”

• “We don’t talk about that here.”

• “What happens in this house stays in this house.”

• “You’re too sensitive.”

These phrases didn’t just hush your voice; they rewired your brain. Almost like a spear through the heart it hurt you and your brain heard it, then built you a defense- 'silence'.

These experiences taught you that your truth was dangerous. And now, as an adult, even safe conversations feel like landmines.

What you are actually experiencing is the freeze response, but you experience The Freeze Response Dressed Up as “Calm”.

Fight. Flight. Freeze. Fawn.

When silence shows up in hard conversations, it’s often your freeze response at play.

It might look like:

• Nodding along to avoid confrontation.

• Keeping the peace while your insides scream.

• Shutting down mid-sentence and blaming yourself for being “dramatic.”

  But this isn’t drama. It’s dysregulation. Does it make sense?

As a defense, silence can be both an armor and a prison

Let’s be honest: silence probably protected you once, or more than once. It helped you avoid punishment, rejection, or emotional chaos.
That’s valid.

But now?
Silence may be protecting you from connection, growth, and authenticity.

You don’t have to go from quiet to confrontational overnight.

But you can learn to find your voice again—one word, one boundary, one brave breath at a time.

So What Can You Do?

1. Build Awareness Gently

Start noticing:
When do you shut down? What’s happening in your body at that moment?
No shame—just curiosity.

2. Practice “Safe-Wording”

Give yourself permission to say, “I want to talk about this, but I need time to gather my thoughts.”
You’re not running. You’re regulating.

3. Voice Journal or Record Yourself

Speak into your phone. Talk to yourself in the mirror.
Train your body to get used to hearing your voice carry truth.

Affirmation:

My voice is not a threat—it is a tool. I am allowed to speak, even when my voice shakes.

Journaling Prompt:

What is one thing you wish you could say out loud without fear? What keeps you from saying it?

📚 Further Reading:

• Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score.

• Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, Self-Regulation.

• Nagoski, E. & Nagoski, A. (2020). Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle.

• Rogers, C. R. (1961). On Becoming a Person.

Coming Up Next: Why You Don’t Trust Peace

We’ll explore how trauma survivors often mistake peace for boredom, love for danger, and stillness for a setup. Because when chaos was home, calm feels suspicious.