Part 7: Why You Don’t Trust Peace

That Uneasy Calm

You finally meet someone who’s kind.
They text back.
They listen.
They don’t yell.
They’re consistent.

And suddenly… you’re uncomfortable.
You start picking at the seams.
You ghost. You test them. You wait for the mask to drop.

Not because they’ve done anything wrong, but because peace feels unfamiliar—and unfamiliar feels unsafe.

Chaos Wired You for Survival, Not Serenity

If your past was shaped by trauma—abuse, neglect, emotional rollercoasters—your body memorized chaos as normal.

In fact, your nervous system may interpret:

• Love as danger.

• Calm as suspicious.

• Stillness as the calm before the storm.

So when life finally gets quiet, your trauma starts whispering:

“Something’s wrong.”
“This can’t last.”
“You missed something. Look again.”

But here's the truth:
That’s not intuition—it’s hypervigilance dressed as protection.

You’re Not Broken. You’re Conditioned.

Your body isn’t sabotaging you—it’s trying to protect you using old maps.

The same survival patterns that kept you alive back then are now keeping you from thriving.

The gift?
You can rewrite the map.

What Does It Look Like?

• You feel bored in stable relationships because they don’t spike your adrenaline.

• You feel unsafe when things go well for too long.

• You crave drama, intensity, or conflict to feel “alive.”

• You sabotage peace to feel in control of the chaos.

Sound familiar? You're not alone.

Relearning Peace Takes Time

Healing doesn’t mean never getting triggered again.
It means recognizing the trigger and choosing not to feed it.

It means:

• Breathing through the calm.

• Sitting in stillness without panic.

• Learning that peace is not the enemy.

• Allowing love to land, even when your reflexes scream “run.”

So What Can You Do?

1. Name the Fear Out Loud

Instead of reacting to the discomfort, talk to it:

“Hey anxiety, I see you. I know peace feels scary. But this isn’t danger—it’s safety in disguise.”

2. Track Safe Moments

Keep a “Peace Journal.”
Each day, note a moment where nothing bad happened.
Teach your brain that calm exists without a catch.

3. Let Your Body Feel Safety

Use grounding techniques, weighted blankets, soft music—give your body physical cues of safety.

Affirmation:

I deserve a life where I am not always recovering from something. I am allowed to rest in peace that isn’t followed by pain.

Journaling Prompt:

What is one peaceful thing that used to make you anxious, but now feels a little safer? How did you get there?

📚 Further Reading:

• Levine, P. A. (1997). Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma.

• Walker, P. (2013). Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving.

• Schmelzer, D. (2023). The Wisdom of Your Body.

• Maté, G. (2022). The Myth of Normal.

Coming Up Next: When Apologies Feel Like Surrender

In the next post, we’ll unpack why some trauma survivors struggle to apologize—or apologize too much. We'll explore shame, power dynamics, and how to make amends without self-erasure.